With the proliferation of dating sites, infidelity has never been so strong. It can affect men and women without distinction. In almost all couples, it is one of the causes of breakup and divorce. It is a source of suffering and above all an insurmountable ordeal for the deceived partner. In Buddhism, adultery is considered a harmful act. It brings multiple consequences for the unfaithful person.
The consequences of adultery in the lives of Buddhists
In Buddha's teaching, adultery is one of the sexual misconducts to be avoided. It is impure, because it is an expression of greed and violence towards the partner. It has many consequences for the unfaithful person. The main one is karma. In a relationship, if a man or woman seeks another relationship, that person creates relationship karma. We lose faith and trust in the partner we are with. In the case of adultery, love disappears and in the end, both people blame each other and even hate each other.
They can become enemies. Some couples even end up divorcing. They create relationship karma. Once the latter has been created, it is difficult for the unfaithful person to find a partner who can trust him, love him and take care of him. At the same time, if the couple has children, they risk passing this kind of suffering on to them. Indeed, adultery also has multiple consequences for children. It can hurt them psychologically even if they are unaware of the situation. Some take refuge in drugs, alcohol, violence or promiscuity. For other children, they can no longer trust themselves.
Moreover, one of the consequences of adultery would also be suffering, mainly for the person cheated on. The latter will feel bad and even ends up blaming herself for not having given enough love or attention. She will feel responsible for this situation even if it was not her who was at fault. For the unfaithful person, they will also suffer sooner or later. Adultery will bring him negative karma in the future. She will not be able to achieve Nirvana which is the ultimate goal of all Buddhists. With the action she has carried out, she will not have peace of mind and ends up feeling remorse.
Avoid adultery by respecting the precepts of Buddha
In Buddhism, to avoid adultery, each person in a couple must follow the moral code of Buddha. The latter offers five main precepts which are:
Do not kill
The first precept is abstention from harming living beings. You must not kill or harm in any way. This connotes abstention from all forms of violence, from all forms of oppression and from all forms of offense. Violence is bad because it is based, directly or indirectly, on an unhealthy mental state, on the state of hatred or aversion. In a couple, adultery is a kind of violence. It is the psychology of the deceived partner that is especially affected.
The person who is unfaithful harms him or her by killing him or her internally. To avoid committing violence towards one's spouse, the Buddha advises practicing maitri, which means love. This is not just an emotion or a feeling and it is not about feeling kindness towards others. It is expressed through actions. For example, it is possible to show your love by offering gifts or making invitations. All the little touches help consolidate love and thus avoid adultery.
Do not steal
The second precept in Buddha's teachings concerns theft. Here, you should not take what is not given. But, this precept is not only abstention from theft. It also implies abstention from any form of dishonesty, any form of misappropriation or exploitation. These are expressions of greed or selfish desire. Couples must also respect this second precept to avoid infidelity. It must be said that adultery is a sign of theft. Indeed, when you go out with a married person, you steal them from their partner. To avoid this, one should practice dana or generosity.
All people who wish to come into contact with Buddhism should always be generous to others. For a couple, each person must be able to give a lot of time to their partner. It is important to regularly discuss various aspects of daily life, whether it be household chores, raising children or the relationship itself. You also have to do activities together like going on vacation for example.
The loving relationship is woven of trust, mutual compromises, dialogue and exchanges which allow each partner to find their place, to feel recognized and respected. If one cannot spend time together, the other ends up seeking comfort in the arms of another person. It is above all the feeling of loneliness and not sexuality which is the main cause of extramarital affairs all over the world, even among Buddhists.
Do not commit adultery
The third precept in the Buddha's teachings concerns sexuality. This is equivalent to not committing sexual misconduct. Buddhism accepts heterosexuality, homosexuality, onanism, transvestism, celibacy. However, he does not accept any bad behavior that could harm others, such as adultery. The latter is a kind of violence committed against the person's usual sexual partner.
If there are illegitimate or immodest sexual relations between a couple, domestic life is intentionally disturbed. To avoid violating this precept, it is recommended to practice samtusti which means contentment. When you are married, you have to be content with your partner who is recognized and socially accepted. In modern psychological terms, contentment means a positive state of abstention from the use of sex for the satisfaction of needs in general.
Don't lie
The fourth precept concerns speech. In Buddhism, one must refrain from telling lies, peddling, blackmailing and swearing. In adultery, the unfaithful person usually tells lies to the other person about their whereabouts, for example. Within a couple, lying destroys the relationship. This causes an argument. Subsequently, you should know that if you are unfaithful, you end up using hurtful words to your partner. To avoid harming others, it is always appropriate to be honest. This helps build trust, respect and love in the relationship.
Do not take mind-altering substances
The last of Buddha's five precepts is abstention from drinks and drugs, the consumption of which results in a loss of awareness. There is disagreement over the interpretation of this precept. In some Buddhist countries, you must completely abstain from alcoholic beverages. However, in other countries, you can take it, but in moderation. Regardless, by taking toxic substances, one can commit actions like adultery which will accumulate negative karma. To become a decent human being who effectively performs his duty and function as a human being should, one must avoid drinking alcohol and taking drugs. This way, we can have a joyful and grateful life. We can also avoid suffering. Buddha's precept will not be broken.
In addition, by respecting all these precepts to the letter, all couples will live in harmony and happiness. There would be no divorce or suffering. Each partner will be able to reach the state of awakening or enlightenment like the Buddha.
What to do after committing adultery according to Buddha
Buddha affirms that to love is to want the good of the other. Everything else is a mark of attachment. What you need to do is give love to others. When we meet, we have to get to know each other. For Buddha, every encounter is the result of the karmas of the two people involved. It is therefore both necessary and inevitable. Necessary, because it arrives at the right time to teach something and help couples progress. Inevitable as is any cause and effect relationship.
The culprit should also be sincerely repentant, confessing his fault to Buddha and to a discreet advisor. You must do everything to receive forgiveness from Buddha as well as from your partner. We must not forget to definitively break off this illegitimate relationship. You then have to do serious psychological and spiritual work on yourself to understand how you got there.
Once he repents, he must never speak of the sin he committed again, even years later. He must take responsibility for the actions committed. The spouse does not serve to absolve the culprit of guilt. To regain the trust of the other, the latter must do good deeds. To be forgiven, for example, he must express his feelings honestly and openly. You also need to be a good listener.
The attitudes that the cheated spouse must have in the event of adultery
The discovery of an adulterous relationship or the confession of such a relationship to one's partner can cause very intense suffering. It is possible that the deceived person acts out of anger or experiences shock. This is actually normal. She can give herself permission to let the violence of her shows express itself. However, to avoid aggravating the problem, it is advisable to take time away from your partner. This allows you to think carefully about this relationship and process emotions. During this time of reflection, you can ask for help from a counselor or friends. It is not recommended to inform children, parents and in-laws.
Next, it is necessary to think about the possible reasons for this adultery. This may be a lack of tenderness, dialogue or a more fulfilling sexuality. The feeling of a strong connection with someone can also be a cause of infidelity. Once the reason is defined, we can look for a solution together to prevent the problem from recurring in the future. To do this, it is advisable first of all to work on forgiveness. Forgiving your spouse does not mean forgetting or minimizing the affair. Instead, you have to be open to the idea of forgiving him for his adultery.
Open the heart chakras
The heart chakras are the most important chakras for the balance of a couple. We offer you a sublime love pendant in rose quartz. It encourages you to share your deep love with your partner.
Approach a marriage counselor in case of adultery
If you still want to save your relationship after adultery, it is recommended to contact a marriage counselor. For Buddhists, they can call on a monk specialized in couple relationships. The latter is a professional who has the ability to resolve couple conflicts. For example, it can help partners change their perspective on the problem, identify factors that might have contributed to adultery, and teach the couple to rebuild the relationship.
He gives sound advice on how to make amends after infidelity. The first is to spend time together, share food cooked with love or even give gifts. Then, the second way is to always give precise and specific compliments. Afterwards, it is advisable to help the other person with all tasks. We must not forget to say sweet words and provide security.
In addition, the Buddhist Monk also provides recommendations for couples to communicate well. Sometimes it is a lack of communication that leads to infidelity. The specialist presents techniques to improve communication and manage arguments when they arise. Finally, it also offers other tips to deepen the complicity and intimacy between partners. If we manage to follow the advice of the Buddhist Monk to the letter, joy can reign in the relationship and there would be no adultery.
